Emotions reach a high in tonight’s episode of Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins.
The Channel 4 series continues tonight at 9PM.
On a Special Forces mission, a team will be made or broken by its leader and, in this phase, Chief Instructor Rudy Reyes puts ex-footballer Ashley Cain and actress Maisie Smith to the test.
In the episode, Ashley opens up about how the death of his baby daughter, Azaylia has affected him and his life and she is the reason he is here and the reason he wants to succeed, both on the SAS course and in life.
He shares: “I’m a family man. Always been a family man, that’s what I’m about. I had a chance to start my own family and I had a beautiful little baby girl. Two months into my daughter being born we found out she had a really aggressive form of leukaemia.
“She was incredible. She showed strength, she showed courage. She showed everything it takes for a person to get on in this world. And then she sadly lost her life on 24 April. She passed away in my arms and it’s a moment I’ll never forget. One thing I will remember is every single day my daughter was fighting this disease, she smiled every day. She fought every day and she made the most of every single day. And that’s a lesson I’ll take through my life.”
Ashley adds: “She didn’t have the chance in life that I’ve got, that we’ve all got and I definitely don’t want waste mine. I want make to her proud. I want to show people that no matter what you go through in life, you can overcome anything.
Candidly, he continues: “The day that my little girl was born was a moment that I’d been waiting for all my life. I couldn’t have been a happier, prouder father and then all of a sudden things changed. When they told us that there was nothing more that they could do, it completely broke me.
“All I wanted to know at that point was that if she goes she will go in my arms and she will go peacefully. And at eight months old she passed away in mine and my partner’s arms. I believe she had a peaceful transition to the other side.
“When I’m backed in a corner, I take myself to the darkest times of my life where I was battling alongside my daughter. After going through such trauma I’ve realised that even when your body wants to give up, your mind can push it past any limits that you thought you had before.”
Meanwhile Maisie talks about the insecurities she masked through taking on the fictional Eastenders character, Tiffany
“I was on Eastenders for 13 years, which was all I can remember. I sometimes think I’m more comfortable being Tiffany than I am being Maisie,” she confesses. “The good thing about being an actress is that I know how to look confident. In reality I have no idea what I’m doing. I think growing up around a lot of adults I felt slightly undermined.
“I’ve struggled sort of speaking and I’ve had, not a stutter but I just could go blank and words wouldn’t come out and I think the more that happened, the more people would just sort of talk over me. And it affected me because I just constantly felt like anytime I tried to speak it was just useless and pointless so I just wouldn’t. And this was a horrible feeling knowing that I couldn’t find a single word and it was like I didn’t know any words. I found it pretty hard and I just hated the person I was for a long time.
“The reason I worked so hard and pushed myself was because the one thing I can’t control is the thing I’m most scared of. And being scared of talking … it’s horrible. I’d love to overcome these feelings of fear. I want to be this strong person that I try to be.”
Also in the episode, Jennifer Ellison reveals she’s pushing herself to the limit to make her songs proud.
She explains: “I know I’m not the fittest. I’m 38 years of age and I’m not superwoman. But I will work my backside off. … everything that I do now, is spurred on by my children, so I want to make them proud and I want them to go into school and go, ‘my mum’s a bad-ass.’
“I want to show the real me – someone who is a team player. I will push myself to the limit, I know that. I’m not someone who’s going to give up my armband easily. I will not.”
Jennifer adds: “If I fail I’m going to be absolutely gutted but I’m hoping that I leave this challenge with a new found respect for myself. I have been strong. I have been confident and I have achieved and nothing’s ever stood in my way at any one point. And I need to go back to that.”
Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins airs Sunday at 9PM on Channel 4.
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