The Fifth Judge on the opening episode of Britain's Got Talent 2011!

Steven HallSo we kicked Hoff this year’s Britain’s Got Talent with two new judges, two dancing dogs, two bell ringers and of course too many buzzers. Once again the people of Britain had come out in force to prove that they should perform in front of the queen at the royal variety performance and win an incredible £100,000.

Mary Sumah-Keh

First up was 45 year old Mary, who seemed a little confused, mistaking the lovely Amanda, for the also lovely (although slightly older) Joanna Lumley. She followed this up with her equally confused performance on the harmonica whilst Irish dancing, sound impressive? Well maybe it would’ve been if she could do either, perhaps Mary should master one talent before bringing in another.

David Knight

The first success story of the evening was comedian David Knight. He didn’t have the funniest jokes, but he did have the most incredible confidence for a boy of only 9 years old. He performed the whole time he was on stage, even when chatting to the judges and he only stopped when he stepped back stage and whispered, “That was the best moment of my life.”

Donelda Guy and Mega and Biba

Donelda Guy

David was closely followed by champagne sipping, well-to-do lady dog trainer Donelda and her two dogs Biba (as in Justin?) and Mega. Now, in my opinion, trained dancing dogs are OK, but they are never going to be as good as trained dancing people, and therefore just aren’t as interesting to watch, however I have to admit I did enjoy this performance. Maybe it was because there were two of them, maybe it was because they were perfectly in time, or maybe it was Donelda’s truly fantastic cardigan – either way I am looking forward to seeing them in the next round.

Steven Hall

Another joy to watch was Steven, the man who managed to cram about 20 dances into a few minutes. Although he is unlikely to make it into the live finals (as he isn’t actually that good a dancer) he gets full marks for imagination and his act went through.
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Antonio Popeye

The act that undoubtedly stood out the most was Antonio Popeye. How he discovered that he had the amazing talent of forcing his eyes out of his skull at will is unimaginable, but it is fascinating to watch. Having said that this isn’t really the kind of stage act that can keep on giving, once it has been done once, what else is there to do? Antonio’s amazing TV career may be short lived.

Michael Collings

Michael Collings

Already a favourite to win, the so-called “singing gypsy” was the next act to really make an impression on the judges. Michael is not a looker, but like SuBo who went before him, what Michael lacks in the face department he more than makes up for with his beautiful, husky voice and gentle guitar playing. His version of Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car was enchanting and felt incredibly intimate. This was one of the many moments in the show where I missed Simon and his pleasantly-surprised-eyebrows-raised-face.

Gay and Alan Cooper

A married couple who are completely in harmony with one another, Gay and Alan are hand bell ringers. Their rendition of My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion should’ve been one of the cheesiest, most cringe-worthy moments on TV, however the sweet encouraging smiles between the two of them was wonderfully touching and they won a place in the next round.

Best (and Worst) of the Rest

Steve Stevens, whose name was the most interesting thing about him, a erm... unique dolphin impression, beautiful hula hooping Marawa, a million Mini Dancers, MKB with gorgeous, tiny Luigi, Burns Morris Dancing (note: Morris dancing is not cool, even when jazzed up with face paint), UFO who are most certainly NOT out of this world and Tongue and Cheek, who pulled out the Mr Motivator on us, but weren’t as fun.

 

David Hasselhoff

Inside Hoff’s Head

“I was born yesterday but I stayed up all night”

 

Ant and Dec

Ant and Dec joke of the week

“bit precious isn’t he?” about Gold man John, after he stormed off during his rendition of – you guessed it – Gold. (This was actually said by a fella off camera, but worth it for Dec’s giggles.)

 

About the author

Clemmie Robinson is a postgraduate student studying Magazine Journalism at Cardiff University. She loves any talent contest, big or small and for this reason delights in filling her Saturdays with a big dose of Britain’s Got Talent. Follow her on twitter @clemmierob.

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