The X Factor musical is set for its debut later this year, but we don't imagine Cheryl Cole will want to watch.
The live show has been written by comic Harry Hill and features a judge called Geordie, who spends her time sobbing into a Chelsea footie shirt.
Any references to real life personalities are purely a coincidence, we're sure.
Even host Dermot O'Leary doesn't get away free from being mocked, being presented as 'needy' by the script.
However at least Cheryl and Dermot are in the show, with neither Dannii Minogue nor Sharon Osbourne featuring.
The musical's story will follow the 'journey' of one act, understood to be based on 2008 XFactor champ Alexandra Burke.
A source claimed that Simon is in love with the project, and is set to spend £10 million on a West End opening later this year.
They suggested: "This is Simon’s pet project and he’s ecstatic with the script. He was in tears of laughter at the read-through.
"He knows how much trouble he’s going to cause. Dermot, Dannii, Cheryl and Sharon will all be furious for different reasons. This is his ultimate revenge — he doesn’t care who he offends."
The insider added to the Daily Mail: "Simon is confident his musical is going to be a huge hit. He hasn’t been this excited about a project for ages."